Blog de Dyer

I tend to do my best to try and like games, and I’m not fond of physically throwing my controllers. NBA Ballers: Chosen One, seen in all of its malicious evil above, is a game that defies my attempts to like games and my resistance to hurling my gamepad. I’ve thrown it more than once, been frustrated to the point of literally throwing the instruction manual, and an empty can of iced tea on top of my 360 controller.

The fundamental gameplay mechanics of this game are built to make you lose. I’m in the fifth chapter now, and I’ve got the feel for the game. It involves a lot of me-using-superpowers, but no matter how many times I try, the opponents ALWAYS have the upper hand. It seems to me, as a player, that the AI is built to cheat, and that the mechanics of the game are deliberately built against you. I don’t know how many times I’ve failed to steal, block, or even PICK UP the basketball in this game, but it’s getting a little fucking ridiculous. I can’t fathom how a company like Midway would ship something that is so frustratingly broken. Seriously, I am not kidding when I tell you I can not pick up the basketball in this game… It just doesn’t happen.

Also angering is that you’re kicked to the main menu after a 90 minute epic ladder climbing match, only to lose in the final tier because the game didn’t give me the win, despite my having correctly followed the criteria. I’ve seen more than my fare share of bullshittery in this game, man, and I’m getting tired of it. Opponents teleporting in front of me, the ball mysteriously disappearing from my hands for reasons unexplained, my slam dunks (that DO go in) aren’t counted, missed rim-shots from in the key count as 3 pointers for my opponent — it’s all here, and it’s enough to drive me batty. It has. I am going to bed to avoid kicking my fucking television in its stupid, smug, Baller displaying face.

There really is nothing redeeming or remotely fun about this game. I am not joking. This is the worst game I’ve played in 2008, and I dealt with both Turok and Turning Point. Turning Point is Bioshock in comparison to this rubbish.

Anyways, off to bed. It’s probably a poor choice, logging on to the blog and ranting. It’s pretty late, and I’m super tired on top of being choked about losing 90 minutes of play time because I was screwed by the game. That sounds like “Oh waaaaah, I really suck so I’ll blame the game” banter, but it’s not. This is some shitty shit, man.